First Broadcast: Thursday, November 26, 1987, 8:00 PM
Production Code: B-87511 or B-87509
Number of bullets fired by Sledge: 13
TV Guide summary: Hammer pursues a crazed android named BORC, until he himself is turned into a half-man, half-machine named Hammeroid by a megalomaniac bent on creating an army of automatons.
Ph episode rating on the Hammer scale (1 to 6 bullets):
In contrast to other "parody episodes," this one was able to combine the parodied character (Robocop) and Sledge's original character quite effectively.
An armored truck rolls down a road, as a hooded figure in a trench coat and combat boots sits at a bus stop. The figure mightily pulls a bus-stop pole out of the ground and proceeds toward the street.
As the truck nears, he smashes the front of the truck with the pole. As the truck driver gets out, he is knocked against the side of the truck by the hooded figure. This figure then rips open the back doors and throws another security officer to the ground. As he carries away a metal box, gun shots by a third security officer seem to ricochet of the figure as if he were made of metal.
At the precinct, Trunk rallies his troops to fight the "Hooded Hood". After Sledge enters with flame thrower, the precinct learns from Mayjoy that the Hooded Hood has robbed the S&L (savings and loan) where the police pension fun is kept.
Hammer's idea to bait the crook is to hold a telethon generating a lot of money. Calling the idea preposterous, Trunk says they will hold a telethon over my his body.
At the KDAFY Police Pension Benefit Telethon (Get our boys in blue out of the red), Trunk is performing a foreign-language chant.
While Officer Fletcher Mayjoy is performing a mating call, the Hood enters. While one cop manages to pull off his hood to reveal a robot face, he is thrown to the ground. Sledge and others fire shots [at least one gunshot], but they do not affect him.
Hammer: I don't need a gun. I need a can opener!
After the Hood grabs the drum of money, Hammer runs after him and grabs onto his left arm.
Though the Hood drags Hammer along, Hammer manages to rip off his arm before he exits. All the police then examine the robot arm and its protruding wires.
Six-bullet slapstick: In Trunk's office, while Trunk and Doreau discuss possible manufacturers of the arm, the arm toys with Hammer, beating him in thumb wrestling and choking Hammer. Despite being chastised by Trunk for playing around, Hammer finally blows away the arm in frustration. [gunshot 2]
Hammer's gunshot does find the a clue, however. A tag Hammer pulls from within the arm reads: "If I'm Lost Please Return Me To Androids-R-Us."
At Androids-R-Us, Hammer and Doreau question Dr. Arthur Deco, who recogizes the card. Claiming not to be a criminal, he says he created androids to improve the quality of life. He demonstrates a few of his creations, one that trims hedges, another which prevents anyone from watching "Designing Women".
When questioned about the Hood, Deco describes BORC (Biologically Organic Robot Cyborg) as "a dream gone astray". The most advanced android's only flaw is that it has no sense of right or wrong.
|This episode aired around the time Justice Robert Bork was being nominated for the Supreme Court. He was rejected by the Senate.
Hammer: (to Doreau) Why does that sound familiar?
Deco claims that his former associate, Malcolm Dench, capitalized on this flaw.
Deco: Dench left this message the night he took BORC off to a life of crime.
Dench: (Deco plays audio casette tape) Hello, Art. By the time you hear this, BORCie (pronounced "bor-kee") and I will have embarked on a series of robberies which will make me the richest and most powerful man in the world. (maniacal laugh)
Hammer: How's he going to become Bill Cosby?
BORC then enters to steal another arm. Hammer charges him but is thrown against a wall. A shocked Doreau says to Deco that Hammer is dead.
Hammer lies in a full body cast on a hospital bed. Doreau tries to calm and rest Hammer, who wants to go after the "walking trashcan". While Doreau runs off to buy him a teddy bear from the gift shop, Deco tells Hammer of an alternative to his critical condition.
Hammer: No, forget it. No, the nurse already tried to talk me into euthanasia. I'm not buying it. It doesn't have a money-back guarantee.
Deco: I have a theory that I can link android cybernetics to the central nervous system of a human being. It's never been tried, but if it works...
Hammer: If it works...
Deco: It could give you the strength to defeat BORC.
Hammer: If it doesn't...
Deco: You'll die the most agonizing, horrible death known to mankind.
Hammer: I can live with that. Let's do it.
In his office, Trunk tells Doreau he feels like a failure, not being able to stop BORC's crime wave. Then, from a robot POV (point of view) shot, officers in the precinct scurry for cover. Claiming to no longer be Sledge Hammer, the robot introduces himself as "Hammeroid" in a android's voice.
Trunk: Hammer, why'd you do it?
Hammeroid: To defeat BORC.
I have the power of 500 locomotives. (stomps foot, building shakes, people scream) Guaranteed 6.2 on the Richter scale every time.
[130 KB WAV file]
Hammeroid: Please note. Now, my amigo and I are one. (accidentally fires his gun five times [gunshots 3-7]) That was a glitch, but it was fun.
Trunk: Some things never change.
Doreau: You're not human anymore. You're... you're a heartless, thoughtless thing without a soul.
Hammeroid: But, I have AM and FM radio. (pushes button on his center console to play loud music)
Trunk: Enough, Hammer. I don't want a walking entertainment center. I want something that's going to stop BORC!
[115 KB WAV file]
Hammeroid patches into the police computer system through his data probe finger and determines that Dench is trying to build an android army. Needing arms, Hammeroid concludes that Dench will go to Skull Fracture, a notorious mercanary according to Doreau. With a voice simulator, he sets up a meeting with Fracture, pretending to be Dench.
At the meeting, Hammeroid interrogates Fracture about the whereabouts of Dench.
Doreau: Sledge, what are you doing to him?
Trust me. I am cognizant of what I am doing.
[31 KB WAV file]
I am regressing his mind to age three.
Fracture finally says that Dench and BORC is at Art Deco's lab.
There, Hammeroid busts through a wall and declares them under arrest.
Hammeroid and BORC square off, but all BORC wants to do is love Dench.
BORC gets confused about whether he should follow Hammeroid or Dench, self-destructs, and falls to the ground.
Just as Trunk and Doreau arrive to arrest Dench, Hammer collapses as his body is rejecting his robotic components. Dr. Deco declares him "scrap iron", but as Doreau is bemoaning his death, Hammeroid awakens to oddly kiss and embrace Doreau.
Deco describes to Trunk and Doreau how he was able to convert Hammer's cybernetic shell into a super-healing body cast. Hammer is now normal except he has kept his robotic arm, which accidentally fires. [gunshots 8-13]